My first blind dating experience in Singapore

Dating in 2024: Going in blind (Part 1)

You'd think that with the advent of dating apps, blind dating/match-making would be a dated approach.

But if you too had been on the carousel of never-ending disappointing first dates, curated blind dates on the other hand if executed conscientiously with long-term compatibility as the north star, you can be one blind date away from exiting the dating pool.

The reason I had even remotely considered blind dating, is that I had learned in the last few years of dating 'full-time' to take bios with a pinch of salt because what looks good on paper may not necessarily translate into real-world compatibility.

Having dated a spectrum of profile qualities; from almost AI-perfect photos to sparsely written bios, the the outcomes have been more or less the same, evidently.

Perfectly manicured profiles are not a reliable indicator of one's capacity & capability of being a good partner, or it could just be me as the common denominator too.

Hence by giving the less polished profiles a chance, it also increased my match radius. As long as there are no glaring red flags or dealbreakers, and I don't shudder at the thought of holding their hands, I'd be swiping into their inbox.

But it takes more than just chemistry & a strong connection to establish compatibility.

In fact, the better we understand our inner workings and self-worth, the higher our standards for compatibility would be; emotionally, intellectually & sexually.

Having met my last 3 ex-es on the apps, it is not lost on me that the apps are perhaps not a reliable way to date for compatibility, despite the comprehensive filter settings that most apps have these days.

Also, I wouldn't want my love life to be held hostage by a capitalist algorithm.

So post-breakup, I gave myself a month to grieve, to focus on dragonboat racing before I dipped my toes into a new dating pool.

Surprisingly, it didn't take long for me to adjust back to my singlehood routine. Life wasn't any different when I was with Mr Peppa. I felt just as single when we were together, which is a sobering thought.

Feeling alone in a relationship is understatedly
one of the loneliest feelings in the world.

1st of July came around. I fought through my skepticism and completed the online application in under 10 mins. The questions are quite standard, it is the full bio of your name, height, interests, and ethnicity - but only the curator gets to see them.

When it came to the question about what I was looking for, as I was not fully sold on the whole experience so instead of writing the cliche answers, I wrote; I'm at the point where I'm ready to make that cosmic jump, to be open to vastly new experiences, in hope that it would lead me to vastly different, and better results.

Few days later, I was invited to an onboarding & screening call.

The interviewer, who's also the co-founder of the service, asked all the right questions about my modus operandi, life vision, and of course my dating history. If the onboarding call had been a first date, I would have enjoyed it.

I felt seen & heard, as I walked him through my last 15 years of bad dating decisions. Insert facepalm emoji.

He didn't make me feel like I was asking for too much either, and was quite empathetic towards my current dating predicament:

Single at 34, she finds the Singapore marry-to-BTO dream too small. Whose worldview, belief system, and risk aptitude had been forged by her drive to escape home and heal from growing up in a loveless marriage between 2 trauma-stricken adults.

50mins into the call, the discussion on costs & fees came up.

I figured that it wouldn't be a one-and-done type of situation, given the small dating pool Singapore. I subscribed for 6 credits, which allowed me to go on 6 different first dates, which would average out to once a month.

The price of entry truthfully for me, is to trust a total stranger to make the most qualitative & data-driven decision, to introduce me to another stranger, as the potential love of my life.

As if dating on its own isn't riddled enough with uncertainties.

Who they would choose is intrinsically dependent on their current book of singles. One can fairly assume that their book isn't very big compared to the dating apps, as not everyone can handle going on a date without knowing what they look like, especially when physical attraction is often non-negotiable. Gulp.

The only way I could see this working is for my date's innate qualities to be hotter than his looks.

One thing for sure, the onboarding calls would have already weeded out most of the bad actors. All I need to think about is what to wear & if I like the person.

A week later, I received the notification that my first-first date is happening on the following Thursday.

I checked the notification to see if there were more clues about him.

All they revealed was the 5 traits & a 3-word headline, which I had to fill up too. His says: Adventurous, Ambivert, Creative, Sporty, Empathic. Well-rounded Renaissance person.

Hot damn.

Leading up to our date, I was wooed by daily emails of dating tips & self-help guides on how to date consciously.

The resources are pretty woke. I would recommend them to all my single friends. It was so spot on, that I started to believe that maybe this could work out for me. As they seem to understand how complex modern dating is and how our expectations of a long-term partner have evolved.

Came to d-date. I picked a simple denim dress outfit & counted down to the hour.

We are allowed to send each other DMs 2 hours leading up to the date. I pondered if I should text him first.

15 mins before our date, he finally texted to say that he's on his way. I was stoked.

I arrived 5mins early & plopped myself by a window seat, to people-watch to calm my nerves.

My heart raced each time a single man walked past. It was like being on a dating roulette, any of those men could be my date which got me more nervous.

15mins past our agreed time, still no sign of him yet. Am I being ghosted?

Then he said he had arrived. I said I'm inside but I don't see any single guy.

He started typing -

He had gone to the wrong outlet.

At that point, whatever excitement I had evaporated. I told him that it's fine, I'll wait.

I glanced at the menu & decided that I'll take a Sangria later if I have to.

30mins later, someone came through the door. I peeked at the glass reflections. My heart sank, he's not my type.

Still, I greeted him cordially & invited him to take a seat next to my high chair. I went right into my networking mode & chatted for a good 2 hours, and did my best to fill up the pockets of awkward silence.

In those 2 hours, we learned that our interests are like a 99.9% match. Salsa, yoga, cycling, coffee, venture building, therapy.... I don't think I even have friends who are that similar to me.

Here's the juicy bit - it wouldn't be a 99% interest match if he is not into dragon boating too.

So I asked which club he's in. His answer almost knocked me off my chair; he's in the same club as Mr Peppa.

Of course I didn't tell him that my ex is his club. The answer however does validate the strategy I had of integrating myself in a larger sports community to increase my exposure to single men. They may not be ideal partners or compatible, but single for sure.

My date is a walking green flag because of our similar values & interests, but the physical attraction was not there. It was the only missing piece. Otherwise, he could have been my person.

He suggested leaving the cafe & grabbing dinner nearby, but I resisted the idea as I didn't want to drag the date on longer than it should.

So we sat through for another hour. I was throttling through the conversation, activating my extrovert side, so I could just be over and done with the date, go home & nurse my disappointments.

The conversations started to wind down and that was my cue to ask for the bill. The first date includes a $12 drinks coupon, and he graciously paid for the remainder of the bill.

We walked to the train station together and got around to chatting about hiking in Singapore. I mentioned a few of my favourite spots & he suggested doing it together one of these days.

At that point I figured it's best to rip the band aid - so I told him that I needed to think about it because I used to rush through the dating phases, whereas I would like to be more intentional this time.

Even though I already knew how I'd feel about him the moment he walked through the door, I still wanted to take some time to ponder if I could see myself on a second date with him & if that would even be the best use of my time, even if we were to remain as friends.

We boarded the train in the same direction & I could feel his eyes on me. We only rode together for a few stops before he had to get off. When the door opened, he raised his hand & I did too, and he gave me a high-five. I died a little.

That was the last time I saw him. He's still training with his club but given that we're on different training schedules, I have yet to see him at practice.

After the date, we are allowed to give our feedback & indicate if we'd like to see each other again. I thought about it for a few days and decided I could only see ourselves as friends. I left my number in case he would like to stay in touch but I never heard from him again, which perhaps is for the best.

I enjoyed how green-flag of a date it was. It was not overtly sexual, perhaps not even at all. So we were able to focus on information-gathering, to objectively decide on how I like to move forward.

Conversational first-dates are my favourite. Despite not feeling the attraction, I was glad that I could experience a green-flag date, and how a potentially healthy relationship could unfold from there, which was sorely lacking in my dating history. Going on that date, I was happy to prove my understanding of healthy dating wrong.

A green flag connection to me feels stable, consistent & perhaps a little boring at times but consistency lends itself to predictability, which cultivates a sense of safety.

That said, I still think that sexual compatibility is important, which means I have to feel physically attracted too.

Attraction is more biological than we think.

It is a complex interplay between psychological wirings & reproductive factors.

This also explains the type of men I naturally gravitate to -
tall(er) than me, athletic & a big smile.

The latter two are telltale signs of discipline, self-regulation & resilience, which are essential qualities that I look out for in a lifelong partner.

The discovery continues.

This is Part 1 of Going in Blind, thank you for reading & stay tuned for Part 2!

Love & Light,
Maddy

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